Radiate Week 2: Reflections of Me.

Week 2 of Radate is all about reflecting on what makes me, ME.   The assignment was to take a self-portrait.which is not something I really enjoy doing as I find it technically hard to get the best shot and of course I am my worse critic.  We also were introduced to editing in black and white.

What do I like to do in my Free Time?  As a Mom, and a working Mom at that, the quick answer is what free time?

I love to bake but don't do it that much anymore.  When I was single, baking was how I spent a lot of my time.  I remember as a child coming home from school and coming home to the smell of freshly baked goodies. There was always something homemade to eat for an after school treat.  Those are the memories I want to create for Rachael.

When I bake I opt for muffins, cakes or squares, things that I can whip up and throw in the oven and walk away for 25-30mins.  I only make cookies once a year, at Christmas time, as I find the process tedious.  However it wouldn't be Christmas for me without my Sugar cookies so I make them religiously every year.

Making banana chocolate chip muffins

I love to take pictures in my free time.  Because Rachael is my favorite subject, I am able to combine my time spent with her with my time practicing my new skills.

Pre- Rachael I used to watch a LOT of TV.  Anything from reality shows to dramas to soaps.  Well I stopped watching my favorite soap two years ago and now only have a handful of shows I acutally make a point of watching.  I have traded in my TV watching time for surfing the net, mostly FB.  I don't check into FB when Rachael is awake so it is usually after Rachael goes to bed that I am spending the most time on FB.  I remember pre-Rachael wondering why I would see so many posts from my friends who had kids, being posted late at night.  Well fast forward to the present and yes most of my posts are posted late at night.

Curled up on the couch, checking out Facebook or viewing my pictures on my IPad.

I enjoy a good cup of tea or coffee.  Last Sunday Dennis and Rachael went out shopping leaving me with some unexpected ME time.  So as I sipped on my coffee I enjoyed the view from my dining room window. 

The SOOC version is definitely not the most flattering picture of myself.  But wow black and white adds such a wonderful feel to it.  This picture could truly become one of my favorite self portraits.

What three words would best describe you right now?

1) Cynical.  I see the world from a glass is half empty perspective.  I almost expect bad things to happen to me now and it so hard to be hopeful and optimistic.  I know this irks Dennis and he has actually said to me that I'm too serious.

2) Grounded.  I definitely have my two feet firmly planted on the ground.

3) Strong.  This is actually not a word I would personally choose to describe me but it is one that a lot of people have used to describe me,  especially this year.

I remember when I started to work on the surgical unit here ( I was in my mid 20's and had only had two years of previous nursing experience.  Well I was warned by many about the "Strong" personalities on the floor.  This was very intimidating to me at the time.  Fast forward 7 years later when I left the floor...I had become one of those strong personalities.  I have no problem standing up for my patients/clients but tend to see myself as a door mat in my personal life.

After losing Ethan and Noah, I could have easily just curled up in a ball and just let the world pass by me.  However I am determined that my daughter's childhood not be adversely affected by the loss of her brothers.  I want her to have a happy childhood and so far I am succeeding in that.
If being strong means carrying on when your world has been shattered for the second time in your life, then yes I am strong,  If it means putting your daughter first, then yes I am strong.

But underneath my "Strong" appearance, is a Mom who is still hurting and missing all of her boys so very much.

 

This necklace has three charms with the December birthstone...It keeps my boys close to my heart.